Why Stress Is Normalized in Communities of Color—and How to Stop

Courtney Dunlap
Apr 8
4 min read

If you’re on the hunt for a therapist, chances are you’re not just “stressed”—most likely, you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and used to carrying more than most people see.

So many times, in communities of color, stress isn’t treated as a warning sign. In fact, far too often, it is treated as a way of life.

In a therapist's line of work, it is not uncommon to hear clients say: “I thought this was just how life feels.” Holding this belief creates a barrier to recognizing when support is not only helpful—but necessary.

The Unspoken Expectation: Be Strong, No Matter What

An essential value of communities of color is the resolve to remain strong in spite of adversity. This core feature of the Black experience in America, has made our survival possible across many generations.

Unfortunately, this pressure to present as strong can easily cause us to put on a mask we were never meant to wear.

This pressure may come in many forms –

Pressure to keep going.

Pressure to not “fall apart.”

Pressure to handle everything on your own.

More often than not, this is especially true for high-achieving professionals, caregivers, and women of color. These individuals are unceremoniously hailed as “the strong one”. They are also the ones their circles look to for guidance, support, and are seen the epitome of perseverance, and upheld as the picture of stability in the midst of the storm.

“Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”

If you identify with any of these statements, you might be ready to begin the process of releasing these long-held beliefs. To do so, it can be helpful to ask yourself what does “being strong” mean to you—and where might it be costing you your peace?

Why Stress Gets Normalized

The very real and valid reasons as to why stress becomes the baseline can be summarized through these reflections.

In instances of generational trauma and lived experiences with racism, individuals may tend to default to an expected stress tolerance. These traumas and lived experiences cannot be undervalued. They are very real and can erode a person’s sensitivity to the harmful effects of harboring stress.

Financial and systemic barriers are another cause of normalized stress. If these kinds of limitations exist, it is more than likely that stress becomes a secondary consideration in the face of more immediate concerns.

The long-standing history of limited access to affordable and culturally competent therapy in Black and Brown communities, has led us to a sort of clinical wasteland in which you may be hard-pressed to find competent and compassionate clinicians in your area. This is also tied to the slowly lifting stigma around mental health support in communities of color in general.

When all of these factors are in play, stress is constant, and your nervous system learns to adapt. Before too long, survival mode sets in, yet you might fail to even realize it.

In other instances, this might be the lightning rod that points people to therapy—not because something suddenly changes, but because the weight becomes too heavy to ignore.

Ask Yourself:

When was the first time you noticed your stress felt like “too much”? If your answer is anytime in your recent past, it may be time to begin your healing journey.

The difficult truth is, harboring stress from a load you were never meant to carry will eventually become problematic. You can get ahead of the curve now and seek support to work through your stressors.

The Hidden Cost of “Pushing Through”

Pushing through with no end in sight always comes at a cost, despite “getting things done”. Unprocessed stress can show up in a variety of ways, though it is important to remember this list is not exhaustive.

Anxiety and overthinking
Irritability or emotional shutdown
Burnout and chronic exhaustion
Physical symptoms like headaches or tension

So many clients come to therapy saying, “I’m functioning—but I’m not okay.”

Civil Rights activist and writer, Audre Lorde once said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”

The truth is, you don’t have to earn rest. Ultimately, everyone deserves care without reaching a breaking point.

Go deeper by asking yourself:

Where in my life am I surviving instead of actually feeling well?

What Healing Can Look Like (With the Right Support)

Believe it or not, working with a culturally responsive therapist can feel different—in a good way.

For starters, you don’t have to explain or justify your experiences. You don’t have to minimize what you’ve been through in order for your experiences to be taken seriously.

Instead, culturally responsive therapy can help you do several things.

Understand your stress responses without judgment
Learn boundaries without guilt
Process generational and personal trauma
Redefine what strength looks like for you

Healing doesn’t mean becoming someone you don’t recognize—rather, it means finally becoming safe enough to be yourself without the weight of judgment—from within and without.

Ask yourself:

Can I imagine a life in which I don’t have to carry everything alone?

If so, what would your life feel like?

You Deserve More Than Just Coping

You are so much more than living a life resigned to simply “getting through the day.” You deserve lasting support that is responsive to your core pain. Whether you’re looking for therapy for anxiety, relief from being “the strong one”, support as a woman of color, or a therapist who understands cultural identity and lived experience, there are spaces designed with you in mind!

Book Recommendations

You don’t have to keep normalizing the stress that’s hurting you. These book recommendations can reignite your fire to learn how to mitigate the effects of stress for lasting change.

Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health by Rheeda Walker

Ready to Start Therapy?

Our clinicians at Living in Confidence Counseling Services provide skillful, compassionate, and culturally responsive therapy. We strive to help our clients move out of survival mode and into a place of clarity, balance, and support.

Contact our office today and schedule a consultation to begin your journey of offloading stress and learning healthier coping skills to deal with life’s challenges.

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America™ Survey
Mental Health America. (2022). BIPOC Mental Health Statistics & Resources